Cinci-Nasty and the Burgh

I had no internet on the road. Courtyard by Marriott be damned!! They had it all set-up, but my computer and theirs did not like each other...So I am home and have a lot of pics and stories.

PART 1: Cincinnati:

Got on the road Wednesday evening and stayed overnight in (GASP) Columbus, Ohio. Enemy territory. It went OK, except for a kid, maybe 13 years old, walked by me on my way to breakfast, got 5 paces past me and launched an "O-H" in my direction. I guess Ohio State fans' "thing" is to spell out the name of the state they live in. Um, is it me or, is Ohio the easiest state name in the union to spell? It's a 4-letter word that uses 3 letters of the alphabet.

At Michigan they do the wave seven different ways, backwards, two at a time, slow motion, fast motion, reverse waves, etc... At tOSU they spell OHIO. Awesome, you are all terrific.

Left after breakfast, got to Cincy, got a little lost looking for parking, but worked it out in time for lineups and the anthem. Great American Ballpark is AMAZING. It's top 5, only held back by the fact that it's in Ohio, and all the red made me want to be ill. The sight-lines are tremendous, the location, on the river, is perfect, and the walkways are tremendously spacious. Not a fan of their signature food...the coney dog (google it), but everything about GABP is awesome, except for the team that plays in it (besides Brandon Phillips).



The woman in front of me was priceless. She stood up at inappropriate times, kept looking down on the lower deck for who knows what, and had a reverse camel toe. She was to Jennifer Love Hewitt what Dusty Baker is to Joe Torre (the managing match-up that day, see how I did that? Clever right?)




Click that baby to enlarge if you want even more hot-ness.

Part 2: THE Ohio State University:

This will go down on MY permanent record, it's set, I won't edit this. Ohio State's campus, especially around their athletic facilities is AMAZING. It's so clean, well laid-out, modern...just, really impressive and you know how much that is killing me to say. But that didn't prevent me from this:





...Still, OSU was really impressive. I met some fans who busted my balls, but in the end were really cool. The one Dad even gave Michigan credit because they actually let you run around on the field in the off-season. You can't touch the sacred FieldTurf at the Horseshoe apparently. I told the kids if we ran on the field they couldn't catch all of us, but the parents weren't letting that happen.


Part 3: Pittsburgh:

On the way to the 'Burgh Ralph and I got some dinner at Sonic. For some reason we get a million Sonic commercials in Buffalo but we don't have a Sonic, so Ralph wanted a piece of some Sonic tots. He then wanted to go buy some videos after filling up at Sonic.


...this was taken in front of maybe 100 people eating dinner and laughing at me.



It's almost un-reportable when I got to the 'Burgh now. I am there all the damn time. I have seen the Pirates at PNC more than I have seen the Bisons this season. The game was horse-shit. A 1--0 Pirates win in the 12th inning with the only run coming on an error by Jays shortstop John McDonald. AWFUL, but my seat was fantastic, and the fireworks are the best fireworks I have ever seen. It's got a lot to do with the river and the cityscape along with the fireworks, but the 'Burgh is always good, this trip was no different.




The Fireworks, the only thing that made me stay through the entire game:

My Condition

I have a tad bit of a skin condition. I went to get a physical yesterday and it turns out the condition is called, no shit, tinnius...Pronounced -- "TINNY-IS".

I have figured out all my problems now. They stand at about 5'4", can't dance, and looks awesome in Detroit Tigers clothes.

Struggling

Your boy is hurting. Struggling man. I can't explain it as honestly and easily as I want to be able to, and that drives me insane as an English major and a writer.

I feel distant from friends and my mom, Kristin, and my brother and my niece and nephew, and that distance isn't involuntary. Subconsciously, it's voluntary. I need to ABSOLUTELY clear my fucking head from ALL OF YOU, and it's nothing any of you have done or said...It's the depression, it's the anxiety, and it's the crossroads of life that I find myself at...all at the same time.

Nobody matters right now besides ME. That sounds cold, and felt cold just to type it out, but it's the truth. I need to be clear of any and all influences before I make this decision. Nobody seems to understand me, and what I am going through, and that's fine. I need to come to the realization that that's OK and acceptable. Until now I have been frustrated by people's lack of understanding of my depression and what I am going through.

I'm a loving kid, and I love you all very, very much. More than I let you all know probably. I'm getting out of here for a little while, I don't know if it's going to be a day or a week (probably just a day or two or three) but I need to clear my head before I make a decision.

Milwaukee helped a lot for me, and I want to do that on a grander scale...Alone. It needs to be without anyone clouding my thoughts or judgment. I doubt I'll stay in Buffalo, but I am going into this lil' trek as a blank slate, and hoping for the best.

I lied -- Ralph is coming with me.

Changing Focus

My depression, aided by the meds and a lot of work I've been doing, seems to be disappearing. It's been replaced by this life uncertainty that I have. The conclusion has been made, but it is gut-wrenching. It feels like someone has stabbed me in the mid-section.

It's time to flee Buffalo. I don't know where, but Kalamazoo provides a great opportunity because it is so close to Detroit, Ann Arbor, and Chicago's job markets...Not to mention Grand Rapids, which is one of the fastest growing cities in the Midwest. It beats the hell out of the job market here, but Chicago is the ultimate goal.

The hard part is obvious. Saying good-bye to family and friends, but it's me going to family too, so that eases the angst. I don't have a time table, but it's sooner than later. I'd say within the next two weeks my residence will be Kalamazoo, Michigan. I'm trading the Bills for the Lions, the Sabres for the Red Wings, and getting the Pistons, Michigan football and the TIGERS as a bonus. Not to mention Wrigley Field will be as close to me as SkyDome is now.

It's happening. This isn't a pipe dream. It's on, it's just going to be a few weeks logistically.

A Dream Reefered

So, OK, this is the craziest dream...but there are more, including one where Mandy's on Clinton Street was a strip joint. That's nothing compared to this though...

I am getting dressed in a suit for some reason, but in my bed is Colin Cowherd from ESPN Radio. He's a material-thief who hates Michigan.

So I am berating him the entire time I am getting dressed, and he is defending himself with the flawed logic that only his idiocy can provide. I've had enough, so I punch him in the face as the phone is ringing.

I get the phone after punching the douche in the face and it's my Senate page calling me to tell me the vote is today, and not to miss it...That's right, your Senate Rep from New York is no other than Kevin King, who just assaulted an arrogant, mis-informed material-thief.

I walk out the door with that talent-less waste of a microphone (can ya tell I HATE Cowherd?) chasing me out the door, whining in the way that anyone who has ever heard his show knows he can whine. I closed the door in mid-whine however.

Waiting for me in the hallway were Hillary Clinton and Kansas Senator Sam Brownback. There aren't two more diametrically opposed Senators then Clinton and Brownbeck, but hey, it's a f'd up dream, what do you want from me?

We walk outside and my normal parking lot is a swamp. I grab a stick and we all start wading through the swamp together, seemingly towards the senate vote. I assume my condo building is in the D.C area?

Alligators abound in this swamp apparently, so I tell Sammy B and Hill to piss off and I start to fly, but not in a plane. I physically flew, as a bird, to the Mall in D.C to get to my vote or my offices, or who the hell knows where, on time.

Who do I run into on the mall? Barack Obama! So Barack puts his arm around me and we walk to the vote together. Before we get into the hall where the vote is, there is a reception, and all the players are there. Teddy Kennedey, Chuck Schumer, and I remember Joe Lieberman.

Barack orders a Grey Goose and cranberry and goes into the other room to grab food.

That's the dream, there was no follow up, but what the hell???

I would describe the strip club dream, but it gets a little disgusting.

That's my boy: