Struggling

Your boy is hurting. Struggling man. I can't explain it as honestly and easily as I want to be able to, and that drives me insane as an English major and a writer.

I feel distant from friends and my mom, Kristin, and my brother and my niece and nephew, and that distance isn't involuntary. Subconsciously, it's voluntary. I need to ABSOLUTELY clear my fucking head from ALL OF YOU, and it's nothing any of you have done or said...It's the depression, it's the anxiety, and it's the crossroads of life that I find myself at...all at the same time.

Nobody matters right now besides ME. That sounds cold, and felt cold just to type it out, but it's the truth. I need to be clear of any and all influences before I make this decision. Nobody seems to understand me, and what I am going through, and that's fine. I need to come to the realization that that's OK and acceptable. Until now I have been frustrated by people's lack of understanding of my depression and what I am going through.

I'm a loving kid, and I love you all very, very much. More than I let you all know probably. I'm getting out of here for a little while, I don't know if it's going to be a day or a week (probably just a day or two or three) but I need to clear my head before I make a decision.

Milwaukee helped a lot for me, and I want to do that on a grander scale...Alone. It needs to be without anyone clouding my thoughts or judgment. I doubt I'll stay in Buffalo, but I am going into this lil' trek as a blank slate, and hoping for the best.

I lied -- Ralph is coming with me.