Tat Idea

I don't have a real definitive idea of how to get the ink done, BUT, I have a friend here in Lakeland who is a tattoo artist, and I am getting the itch after talking to him Saturday night about his work....SO, after the hardest year of my life, and hopefully the hardest I will ever have, I am IN. I come home to Buffalo until January 10th after tying some shit up in Kalamazoo, so I have time to think before geting my ink (cute how I rhymed that there right?)....Totally self-serving here, but I'd love input because I have a million ideas and inspirations for it, but, don't want to turn into tattoo man, just want another one...ONE

Inspirational, yes. I like books, like 'em a lot, so Kerouac, Vonnegut and Hemingway quotes that I am thinking about (and pretty much my finalists):

"A man can be destroyed, but not defeated." -- Hemingway (I'd say that's pretty umm, relevant)

"The man who has begun to live more seriously within begins to live more simply without." -- Hemingway

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at the broken places. " -- Hemingway


"Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion.” -- Kerouac

"Accept loss forever.” -- Kerouac



"So it goes..." -- Vonnegut (the context in which this is used is ideal, it's usefulness in all situations -- and it's brevity -- makes it the front-runner....)

"Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt." -- Vonnegut Physically manifested:



And then this one (also a front-runner), which is way too long, but fits perfectly -- if I could parse it out a little I could make it work:

"“I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laught and cries [POSSIBLE END THERE]. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.” -- Theodore Isaac Rubin

Awnry In Lakeland

I made it, and I'm not sure that's good or bad. Florida is terrific, if you avoid, ya know, John McCain Florida. The trip was incredibly long -- one of those, "holy shit, I woke up in Maryland today...that seems like three days ago" kind of days. The best I could do with pictures (since it gets dark at like 4:30 on the Eastern seaboard) was this mess of a motel in Southern Virginia when we stopped for gas:


That's it -- no name, just "Motel." It made Earl and Randy's motel on "My Name is Earl" look like the Beverly Hills Hilton. And this was their lure to get ya in (they were next door to a Subway):


I wouldn't pay $60 to stay there if they gave me a lifetime supply of those awful 3-ounces of meat filled subs.

The South is really another world, especially when for 29 years you are a straight up Northerner, and an educated one at that. South Carolina, ardently Republican, ardently conservative right? So, what's so conservative about "Live Nude Girls.......EXIT ___" billboards every 3 miles? Across the highway from the billboard solicitations of prostitution you ask? This beauty on a billboard, word for word -- "Abortion -- 10 minutes and it's over. A lifetime of regret." Awesome.

Evangelical leaders having gay affairs with male prostitutes, yet, the Bible-thumpers down here are still allowed to tell you the right way and wrong way to live your life. Do these people know the history of our country? Sure, they'll jump all over their revisionist history, telling you proudly that the country was founded on blood and battle (they're definition of slaughtering Native Americans apparently). That's why they carry guns and fight for theirs now.....stop it. Our ancestors came here because they wanted the freedom to live their lives the way they chose -- without governmental interference or someone else telling them how to be. Break down the word Protestants for Christ's sake.

It's enough to spiral any "normal" person into depression, much less me. I can't run the depression away. It's not going to happen. It's the huge elephant in the room wherever I go. I know that Buffalo is home, and I'm coming back...and that's the test. Other complications are making my being here a necessity, for now, but, what am I doing here really...ultimately?

There isn't a right decision I guess, and any decision to be here is obviously better than the way out that I've had in mind way too many fucking times in 2008. But I still do have that in mind -- daily. I rationalize other ways that would be deemed OK to die, because suicide is supposedly selfish, or whatever hardened rhetoric you hear from people who just don't get it.

It's not where it was with me...not even close, but it's nowhere near where I want it to be and where I know, more or less, that it can be and has been. Life sucks, and the more you see, the more you learn that ignorance truly is bliss. Ignorance is a blessing.

Maybe that's why so many people down here in the Bible-belt feel blessed? They deify a man in President Bush, who has headed up the slaughter of MILLIONS of Iraqi civilians based on fabricated intelligence. They deify McCain and Palin...McCain cheated on and eventually abandoned his wife once she was disfigured in a car accident. Palin doesn't know the countries that comprise the NORTH AMERICAN Free Trade Agreement --- and she governs a state that borders Canada (and apparently Russia). And why do these ignorant hicks do this? They're Christians, "just like me" (with an unmarried, pregnant teenage daughter). They're White, "just like me." They want us to have our guns, and that's all I give a shit 'bout.

They love Ronald Reagan, whose trickle-down economic theory and emphasis on governmental de-regulation puts the money in the hands of greedy CEOs, with the idea that if the guys up top have a lot, it naturally will trickle down to everyone. They trust them enough, that, shit, we should keep our oversight off of them...they'll definitely do the right thing.

Yep, that has worked really well...those CEOs take helicopters to work so they can beat the New York City traffic, they walk out with multi-million dollar bonuses that would leave A-Rod staggering, all the while the average household income has GONE DOWN. But fuck it, "I'd love to have a beer with that Bush fella, he seems like one of us." Running the country takes a tad bit more work than deciding which Dale Earnhart t-shirt you're going to wear today. Let's let the Columbia and Harvard educated guy have a crack at it and see how this goes.

FUCK THE SOUTH, FUCK TED STEVENS, FUCK ALASKA, and FUCK WOMEN OVER 40 WHO HAVE RETARDED BABIES (when the odds were that they would) AND THEN PEDDLE THEM OUT THERE ON STAGE FOR POLITICAL BONUS POINTS. Go close your daughter's legs, get ready to do a few lines with George W. on January 21st and leave us the fuck alone.

Quick Thanksgiving Pics

Turkey Bowl 2k8 -- ended in a tie for the 5th straight year -- what a shocker!!!

Which two people in this picture have lived in Cheektowaga at some point in their lives?

I shake 4 year old girls like Barry Sanders

She hates pink and wears football jerseys yet somehow she's related to me!

It was cold, and when the air blows through your tear-away pants, it's even colder. Little guy next to me, William (5 years old and obvious horrible taste in football teams) had the greatest touchdown dance ever -- and it would have definitely got him a 15 yard penalty in the NFL (think Roseanne Barr after singing the national anthem, crotch-grabbing, etc...).

We're on the road to Florida -- twitter it up -- sign up for twitter, it's outstanding, and look me up -- twitter.com/kpking3032 -- I twitter a lot on the road. Look up THE_REAL_SHAQ on twitter also -- Shaq twitters, and he twitters A LOT and it's all hilarious stuff.

Quick Maryland Update

Jason rocking my Marshawn Lynch jersey pre-Turkey Bowl 2008. It is SUPPOSED to be the Heisman pose, not Karate Kid.

Instead of Ralph, I am road-tripping with Bubba. The kids are dog-sitting "Sadie," and I thought it was a good chance to teach Jenna a little "Animal Cruelty 101." It was not supposed to look sexual, I swear to God -- he is supposed to look like he is riding Sadie.


It's been a lot of Nintendo Wii and a lot of hockey writing. Yeah. I'm a paid hockey writer -- that's ridiculous.

My Empire

awful and slightly embarrassing, but the money is stupid:

Baby Mangino

I came across this on deadspin.com and had to get it on here for y'all who have no idea what deadspin is. If you don't know, Mark Mangino is the head football coach at Kansas. Umm, portly fella you could say, a cult legend in Kansas because he has made their football program relevant. Apparently two babies belonging to two couples who have no idea the others exist decided to dress their babies as Mangino for Halloween and the world is better for it:

Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur

Ridiculous run Spurs are on...BOOM:

Quick Trip to the B-Lo Rundown

I am just going to throw some pics up. Don't feel much like writin'


My (unsuccessful) attempt to be artsy with the digital camera. The CN Tower lit up in Raptors colors though? Phenomenal.


My man crush on Chris Bosh only grew when I saw that he signs after warm-ups. And he hi-fived kids on the way in, after signing. Guys signing after warm-ups in the NBA is VERY rare....Future NBA MVPs signing -- even more rare. I <3 Chris Bosh 4-ever.

The dude is 7' and strokes the 20 footer better than most 2's or 3's.

Gnome (who woke up and threw the magazines across the room) was the first to go on election night, and he had to sleep with a zombie (see Frankenstein arms) and a raving, psycho-bitch who doesn't know the countries in NAFTA and can't name any newspapers or magazines that she reads -- PALIN 2012!!! Can't wait!!! Is it possible for Barack to win every electoral vote in 2012 if that happens?

The Most Offensive Thing I Have Ever Heard

So, Sean Hannity is on a personal crusade to keep Barack out of the White House. He is questioning everything from Bill Ayers, to Rev. Wright, to maybe Barack isn't even a naturalized citizen. Ignorance right? Hannity is such a pure Christian. Gee, what a guy!!

But, then shouldn't it be fair game to question relationships FOR EVERYBODY??? Hannity's whole "show me your friends, I'll tell you what you are" philosophy...Well...Here it is Hannity, you fucking biggot (be warned...the language is insanely offensive...explanation is under the video):



Hannity was friends with Turner after Turner's neo-conservative (feel free to call them neo-nazi) viewpoints, which he freely expressed on radio call-in shows on WABC in New York made him a quasi-celebrity/political figure. As Hannity repeatedly railed on Barack for his association with Rev. Wright, he denied such a friendship with Turner existed.

Hannity had Turner on his radio show as a guest once he became a quasi-political henchman for the Republicans...In '92 Turner was the coordinator for fellow biggot Pat Buchanan's embarrassment of a presidential campaign.

Anyways, Turner, when he learned of Hannity's dismissal of him said "I was quite disappointed when Sean Hannity at first tried to say he didn't know me. In fact, Sean does know me and we were quite friendly a few years ago."

SO, Hannity is running a psychotic crusade against Barack on his show and on his other show "Hannity's America" which just had a show titled "10 Reasons Why Obama Will Ruin the Country." He always calls out Barack when Barack throws Hannity's name out there as a reason for the bitter political, racial, cultural and class divisions in this country...and Hannity always plays dumb..."gee George, why is Obama so obsessed with me?" BECAUSE YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE WHO ALIGNS HIMSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO SAY AIDS IS A "CURE FOR NIGGERS."

It's Barack's subtle genius. Hannity is not even a college graduate...he's a pundit who thinks he has a better grasp on what this country needs than a Columbia/Harvard educated man who has committed himself to public service from the day he graduated FROM HARVARD LAW SCHOOL...But fuck it, Hannity knows what's better for this country. OK!

Barry the Bomber has gotten SO deep under Hannity's skin by throwing his name out there in interviews (Barack just did it again on "The Daily Show" on Wednesday), and it's comical, and dammit if Barack isn't doing it just to rope-a-dope this idiot more and more so we can delve into the relationships that Hannity has with men who hold beliefs that would make the KKK blush.

The NHL, What is that?

An NBA player, a baseball player, Michael Phelps....AND.....Tony Hawk? The big 4 used to be the NHL, NBA, NFL, and MLB....It's now MLB, the NFL, NBA and skateboarding???

The NHL, What is that?

"Worthless" Steve Breaston

Once upon a time, the very unbiased Kirk Herbstreit, who "works" (spewing idiotic opinions that change by the week is work apparently?) for ESPN, said Steve Breaston is worthless when he was at the University of Michigan.

Kirk is a certified ass. How ABC/ESPN let him ever, ever do OSU games from the broadcast booth is beyond me. I don't blame the guy. That's his school. He played for them, but can SOMEONE PLEASE realize that Herbstreit is biased and that it's OK and understandable. Just keep him off of Ohio State games.

ANYWAYS, his "worthless" comment at the time showed his ignorance and bias towards Michigan's football program. Breaston as an under-classman dropped a ton of balls. He was one of the best kick and punt returners in the country, but as a receiver he dropped balls that my 12 year old nephew would catch. SO, they utilized him less at reciever.

On the topic of Breaston, "Herby" called him worthless on his radio show...His COLUMBUS, OHIO based radio show.

Breaston is Michigan's all-time leading kickoff and punt returner, and has the record for most all-purpose yards in Rose Bowl history. Still....worthless?

Steve Breaston went on to have a phenomenal senior year, both receiving and returning kicks, but, because of the media power that ABSOLUTELY affects NFL scouting opinion (see Mel Kiper's TERRIBLE track record), Breaston was a fifth round draft pick. A lot of that HAD to do with Herbstreit's nationally voiced opinion on Stevey B, especially when you consider that:

An extremely comparable player to Breaston at the time was Ted Ginn, Jr. of THE Ohio Stae Buckeyes. They came into the NFL in the same draft, only, Ginn was the NINTH PICK OVERALL and Breaston went in the fifth round.

Since then, Ginn has become a borderline bust. He'll show a flash once a month or so, but, a ninth pick overall, by now, should have more than 20 catches and no touchdowns in his second year as a pro. And also, he probably shouldn't be removed from his duties returning kicks and punts.

Breaston on the other hand is perhaps the next big thing at wide receiver in the NFL. In his rookie year he had nearly 1,800 return yards, including a game-winning TD return against the Eagles, and this season he is still returning kicks, unlike that other guy.

Only, he's added phenomenal wide receiver play to his resume. He's played behind Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin (add Bryant Robinson to that list last year), so opportunities for playing time have been sparse.

Well, Boldin went down with an injury three four ago, and since then, who is Arizona's leading wide receiver? WELL, what do you know, that worthless kid from Michigan, Steve Breaston.

This isn't about Breaston vs. Ginn (but it could be, Ginn sucks, Breaston is going to be a star), it's about Herbstreit and ESPN's monopoly on idiotic rambling (well, them and Fox News, it's like Pepsi and Coke. They both own a stake in the idiocy monopoly). Just YouTube search Skip Bayless...or better yet, Lou Holtz likening Michigan's head coach, Rich Rodriguez, to Adolf Hitler (I shit you not...but nappy headed ho's was offensive????).

There are tons of examples. How about ESPN Radio's Colin Cowherd and his blatant material-theft from Mzone.com? This asshole Cowherd who was caught red-handed by bloggers for his material-theft (or better, plagiarism) offered as half-assed apology. A few months later in a rant against blogs (a lot of the mainstream media are scared to death of blogs), Cowherd got his listeners to shut down a blog (thebiglead.com) by overloading it with traffic.

Bottom line is, their opinions all MEAN NOTHING. They are disposable, no more important than your opinion or mine....but they wield so much power. Cowherd got divorced not long after landing the national ESPN radio gig. It's made him a Megalomaniac and that's why wifey went bye-bye. Chris Berman, Stu Scott -- they're all absolute ego-maniacal assholes who treat people as if they are beneath them.

Just this week ESPN knowingly buried a story that would cast Brett Favre in a negative light. They didn't want to hurt their relationship with the golden boy. Thank God Jay Glazer is the real deal, reported the story (because that is his job as a journalist).

All this, and I didn't even mention Paul Maguire.

A Real Person

From the Chicago Sun-Times:

Obama attends daughter Malia's soccer game in Chicago; few notice. Pool report.

By

Lynn Sweet

on October 18, 2008 12:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (20)

Barack Obama returned to Chicago on Friday night, where he worked out and then headed to a soccer game where daughter Malia was playing. Here's the pool report from Geoff Earle of the New York Post:

In what could be counted as a good omen for the Democratic nominee, daughter Malia Obama's red jersey team won their youth soccer game tonight.

Malia's father quietly strode onto the field at 8:15 wearing a dark jacket and blue hat after his workout. None of the other parents or kids seemed to notice him. The game was underway, and Michelle Obama was there.

Obama chatted with another man while watching his daughter's team play against another team wearing yellow jerseys. The field was in the area of the University of Illinois at Chicago campus, which technically connects your pooler to infamous faculty member Bill Ayers.

There was also another team playing on an adjacent field. The games took place under bright floodlights on a chilly night, with the Sears Tower overlooking in the background.

At one point Obama took a break from the game to have a brief footrace with younger daughter Sasha.

The pool couldn't see much of the action from a distance, but after about half an hour the kids in red jerseys all started jumping up and down and cheering. One kid in yellow looked pretty distraught. We don't have an official score, but a player on the red team said it was 1-0.

Motorcade left at 8:45 pm, arriving back at the Obama residence a bit after 9.

We have a lid.

What's the difference between a soccer Dad and a hockey Mom? INTELLIGENCE (Magna Cum Laude from Harvard law school and a B.A from Columbia OR 5 schools, all of which ANYONE with a high-school diploma would get into). You betcha!

Johnny Mac

This guy is beautiful.

In the debate Johnny the fraud criticized Barack for his voting record, or his "present" votes when he was in the Illinois State Senate.

WELL, I'm reading a phenomenal book, a quick read too, The Real McCain, which really, if you judged by the title, is an unsolved mystery....There is no REAL McCain.

Anyways. in the first session of the 110th Congress in 2007 the Senate had a pretty full day of voting to do on the floor. John McCain was there all day, and voted on all of the bills, EXCEPT for one. Normal right? No biggie, it was probably a early morning vote, or a late vote when he had to go home to Arizona or something....understood.

But, the vote was sandwiched in between two votes in which this phony voted...at 1:30 in the afternoon. It was a bill to give increased funding to local police departments to better fund their counter-terrorism efforts. Here's the record from the book The Real McCain, by Cliff Schecter.

Vote 109 -- DeMint Amendment # 578 -- to repeal the death tax. 1:13 PM, McCain -- present and voted yes.

Vote 110 -- Biden Amendment #529 -- To increase funding for the COPS (Community Oriented Policing Services) program to $1.5 billion for fiscal 2008. Provide state and local law enforcement with critical resources to prevent and respond to violent crimes and acts of terrorism. 1:32 PM, McCain -- NOT PRESENT NO VOTE RECORDED

Vote 111 -- Bunning Amendment #594 -- Provide a defecit-neutral reserve fund for providing state flexibility with MedicAid. 1:52 PM, McCain -- present and voted yes.

Where did you go J Mac? With his eyes on a run at the presidency in 2008, he knew that a no vote on a bill that would provide funding to state and local law enforcement could be harmful to his campaign. But he couldn't dare vote yes on a Democrat/Joe Biden authored bill, SO, where did he go? He is old enough that it MAY have taken him an hour to go to the bathroom, but the TRUTH (what is that?), is that THE MAVERICK could not have been more NON-MAVERICK.

Someone who says he goes across the aisle (but voted with Bush 94% of the time) should have and wanted to vote yes, but couldn't because he needed the support of his party down the road -- he can't align with a bill he agreed with. It was ultimate politics 101...He's a maverick though right? No, he's a fucking politician who has been in the game for 26 years and plays the same bullshit game where he puts his own interest and politics first. Bottom line.

It's time to break away from the ol' boys network. We don't need a guy who jaked his way through the Naval Academy. Can we please have a Harvard and Columbia educated, brilliant man who is a pragmatist? He thinks things through, and he's brilliant. Every single independent study has said Barack's economic plan is superior to McCain, as well as his health care plan.

But he's black. He's an Arab, he pals around with terrorists. Ask McCain about Marilyn Shannon. Research her yourself.

The point is, it's the policies we need to be concerned about and vote on, but McCain can't win a policy, facts based race.

What If....

What if …

What if the Obamas had paraded five children across the stage, including a three month old infant and an unwed, pregnant teenage daughter?

What if John McCain was a former president of the Harvard Law Review?

What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?

What if McCain had only married once, and Obama was a divorcee?

What if Obama was the candidate who left his first wife after a severe disfiguring car accident, when she no lon ger measured up to his standards?

What if Obama had met his second wife in a bar and had a long affair while he was still married?

What if Michelle Obama was the wife who not only became addicted to pain killers but also acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?

What if Cindy McCain had gone to Princeton and Harvard?

What if Obama had been a member of the Keating Five? (The Keating Five were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s.)

What if McCain was a charismatic, eloquent speaker?

What if Obama couldn't read from a teleprompter?

What if Obama was the one who had military experience that included discipline problems and a record of crashing seven planes?

What if Obama was the one who was known to display publicly, on many occasions, an anger management problem?

What if Michelle Obama's family had made their money from beer distribution?

What if the Obamas had adopted a white child?

You could easily add to this list. If these question s reflected reality,
do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are?

This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes
positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.

Educational Background:

Barack Obama:
Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in
International Relations.
Harvard Law School - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

Joseph Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

vs.

John McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank: 894 of 899

Sarah Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in Journalism

Education isn't everything, but this is about the most important job in the country and America's international reputation.

Lighten the Mood Before Scrolling Down

The McCain Myth

War hero -- granted. But, a man, McCain, who has essentially taken credit for the success of the surge (I don't know if it's his old age or what); but he's got his history and facts so incredibly skewed that it's embarrassing for this man who is truly an American hero.

While the surge has worked for the reasons that it was implemented for (to get our troop casualties down and flush the bad guys out), McCain certainly has some revisionist history about how it all came to be. In fact it was a bi-partisan coalition, including none other than Hillary, Russ Feingold and Lindsey Graham who assessed the situation in Iraq with McCain and decided, along with General Petraeus (a man McCain severely doubted the ability of early in Patraeus' tenure as central commander in Iraq) on the surge policy. They then recommended it to a "hey, fuck it, whatever you guys say" George W. upon arriving back in D.C and the wheels were in motion for the surge...assuredly not JUST because of the maverick.

McCain, when he leads a coalition of delegates into Iraq is balls to the wall. He wants to go places even when commanding officers strongly try to talk him out of it, but it's in one of those visits where we see exactly what this maverick is made of, and it smacks of George Bush's delusional administration.

On a visit to Iraq soon after the surge, to see how things were progressing in Iraq, McCain spoke to a street merchant in the country. The merchant said, while things on the surface have improved, no more street fights and RPG attacks for example, that there were still tremendous concerns about sniper fire from insurgents who just fire blindly into crowded streets and markets.

Upon arrival back home, and maybe because he is senile in his old age, McCain glaringly forgot to mention this exchange with the merchant. He came back with an "everything's coming up roses" report card on the situation in Iraq. This is Bush 101. You paint the picture you want to paint (**cough** mission accomplished **cough**). There are WMDs over there (no there aren't), but not only was it G.W's push to ignite the war in Iraq, McCain was one of G.W's strongest supporters of a war that to this day has no merit. We went to war on the premise of a lie, and McCain is as much to blame for that as is G.W.

Even if the surge IS working...and I guess the scoreboard says it is as long as Americans aren't dying as frequently over there anymore (nevermind the daily bombings between the Sunni and Shia militants that kill hundreds of innocent civilians weekly), we can't lose focus that, it's been two years of "success" from a surge McCain takes full credit for, but those two years have followed five years of an unmitigated disaster. And the five years of disaster were pushed for from the beginning by the ol' maverick.

Let's bring this down a level. For five years, for example, I thought it would be a great idea to use Crytal Meth. But, I've been clean for 2 years, I'm only an alcoholic now....so that 5 years never happened right? No, and the seeds of addiction that were sewn in those five years cannot magically disappear because of two questionably good years in which there are still flaws.

There are bombings still, a few a week, sometimes multiple bombings a day, but since it's just Iraqi's dying in those bombings, it's all good. The surge worked! It also worked pretty damn well for Al-Qaeda and its operatives.

While seeing that there would be an increased American military presence soon to descend on Iraq, the insurgents saw a golden opportunity back in Afghanistan. They retreated back to the Taliban-controlled areas of Afghanistan and Pakistan and left the Sunni and Shia Iraqis to kill themselves in what will eventually become a civil war in Iraq the day the last American troop departs, if it's not close to being one already. But, that's not our problem apparently, less Americans are dying, and back home, it's a numbers game. If the number of deaths are going down for our boys, then it's been a success right?

Meanwhile, the insurgents re-group and by all accounts are strengthening to pre-9/11 levels, but they're just doing it in a different country now. A country that was ignored and taken for granted once the senseless war, based on a lie, began in Iraq.

After the war began, in 2003, Joe Biden went over to Iraq, long before McCain's first trip into the country post-war, and came back talking about how the infrastructure of Iraq is utterly devastated and will take a decade, if not more, to get back to where it was before our bombs ravaged their country based on fabricated intelligence.

This is Staggering

Why College Football Rules

College Gameday was at Vanderbilt University today. Lee, Kirk and Chris were there; not like, Gameday was there profiling another sad year for Vandy...They were there because for the first time since World War II, the Commodores had a chance to go to 5-0. WORLD WAR II!!!

So, what's so great about Vanderbilt doing what they're doing?

Well, out of the entire pool of High School seniors that colleges can recruit from, 85 percent are academically ineligible to play at Vandy. They don't lower their academic standards for their athletes, and since, well, World War II, Vanderbilt has been one of the worst teams in college football.

Think about that, only 15 percent of recruit-able players would qualify at Vandy. That doesn't mean that all of those 15 percent go to Vandy, they still go to the bigger schools if they can, or scrap athletics altogether and head to the Ivy League for academic pursuits.

Other great academic schools relax standards for their athletes (I'm looking at you Corey Maggette at Duke); Vandy won't, and they've paid the price in football losses.

The University of Tennessee, Vandy's main rival, has a football recruiting budget of $1.5 million, including a private plane. Vanderbilt's recruiting budget for the entire athletic department is a notch over $500,000.

Vandy tonight beat Auburn, a team with legitimate hopes for an SEC Championship. Auburn's recruiting budget for football is only double what Vandy's ENTIRE budget is, but Auburn can recruit anyone (there are legendary stories of their athletes being illiterate, seriously), but Vandy beat them.

The crowd, filled with kids who got 1400 or better on their SATs, didn't storm the field, which has become a trite and annoying display in college football. The fans and kids displayed the class that so many schools and fans lack in college football (O-H-I-O). It's a ridiculous story, one that seriously sounds like a movie script, but Vandy is in first place in the SEC West, 5-0, and are bound for a good bowl game. And they have phenomenal uniforms!

This is Outstanding!

Creeping Me Out

OK. When I go to the bathroom, even when I would come to visit here (I guess I live here now?), I always got a weird vibe. There's a picture in the guest bathroom (aka, my bathroom) that kind of always left me with a kid of haunting feeling that lasted for a little while even after I was done with my business in there.

Now that I am quasi-moved in, I have my senior yearbook, and I figured it out!!! This is fairly ridiculous. My senior picture and a picture of my Dad's Dad (my grandpa), who died before I was born. We should be roughly the same age in the pics, 18ish...Check it out, it's eerie right?


Am I wrong???

I Didn't See Nelly Anywhere

St. Louis, Missouri...Budweiser, the Cardinals, the Mississippi, and the Gateway Arch, which is the symbolic gateway to the West, and apparently the gateway to the Rams end zone.

I've seen the Bills in Kansas City, Cleveland and Detroit, and they miserably lost all of those games. I was hesitant to go...Walking out of a stadium in the gear of the away team, after the home team just drubbed them is the second worst feeling in the world (Michigan losing to Ohio State is the worst, but I'm getting used to that happening).

$12 tickets on eBay makes the decision to go see the Bills on the road a lot easier though. The Rams are pitiful, first pick in next year's draft bad, but still there's that thing...it's ingrained in all of us Bills fans. "They're not this good...this is the kind of game they lose, no matter how good they've looked in the last few weeks..." So with that, we entered the Edward Jones Dome, much like the 15 to 20,000 other Bills fans who were in St. Louis Sunday.

It's nice enough inside, but like most domes, there is absolutely no personality, no character to it. Watching the Bills warm up was pretty incredible though. They go AT IT, even in warm ups. Marshawn doesn't stop moving, Stroud hits anything in his sight, and I would not F with Poz.

The game starts, Trent Edwards runs for his life for the entire first half, and they go into halftime down 14-6. Uh oh. The Bills took the kickoff to start the second half, ran it down their throats, and you got the feeling it was over, even though they were still down a point. They shut down Steven Jackson, made Trent Green look like, well, Trent Green, and the second half was a party for all of the Bills fans in attendance.

Walking out, the bitter Ram fans gave us the old, extremely creative "at least we won a Super Bowl." OK -- they also lost a Super Bowl after being a two touchdown favorite...And fuck, the Super Bowl is ONE GAME...We lost four in a row; fantastic, but, for five years the Bills were incredible. That's five years of playing nearly 20 games a year, 20 games in which (other than Super Bowls) we were absolutely un-fucking believable to watch play. That's over a hundred games. I would not trade that for one Super Bowl -- no way. Not to mention that the Super Bowl they won was in the deadest of dead eras for the NFL. It was the pre-Brady/Manning era, it was the post-Elway/Marino/Young era. It was Steve McNair against Kurt Warner...come on now.

It was amazing, despite a few bitter, drunk Ram fans. St. Louis was temporarily Buffalo for a good chunk of Sunday. It was incredible.

Best D Backfield in the NFL?

Mel Kiper -- still want to make fun of that Whitner pick?

Leodis will return a kick for a TD this season

Josh Reed signed autographs forever. He is also the best blocking WR in the NFL, a super nice guy, and incredibly clutch on third down for us.

The entire second half was BEAST MODE

The view directly from our seats. $60 face value, $12 eBay value.

BOOM. The Cardinals also scored 14 on Sunday.

We have a QB for the next 10 years.

He needs a better nickname than Poz

Why You CANNOT Root for the Rays in October

What a cute story. Tampa Bay wins the American League East, beating out teams who combine to nearly $400 million in payroll. It's nice right? No.

First off, is there a genuine Rays fan on the planet? Over the entire history of the team, I would say more than half of their yearly attendance was represented by fans of Tampa's opponents. It's well-publicized that Red Sox and Yankee fans sell out that shit stadium Tampa plays in, but, when Detroit, Toronto, Baltimore and Cleveland come to town, they may not sell out the stadium, but, the majority of fans are there not to see the Rays, but to see who they are playing against. That's true even this year until August when the bandwagon started to get going...Even then, last Friday night when Minnesota was in town, another playoff team, on a Friday night, Tampa drew 28,000 fans....In the middle of a pennant race they drew what Detroit or Cleveland (two teams who have been out of the race for months) draw on a weeknight.

I saw the Rays twice this year in person. Before the game I go and watch BP, and I'm curious to see if a team is friendly with the fans, even on the road. In 2006 when the Tigers were making a similar dream run, I saw Detroit play over 10 times, and every single time I was blown away by how much they signed autographs as a team. EVERYONE signed for the Tigers at some point when I saw them. In Pittsburgh, I swear 20 of the 25 man roster signed.

Tampa in 2008? A joke. Not only do they not sign, they are absolute assholes, every single one of them, with the exception of Evan Longoria, Scott Kazmir and Grant Balfour. Carlos Pena, B.J Upton and Carl Crawford not only didn't sign, but were arrogant and Upton did the "I'll catch ya on the way back" to a kid, and never did catch him on the way back. The kid had this amazingly hand-drawn sketch of Upton that he did himself. Upton saw it, he looked right at it, yet couldn't even sign this kid's hard work. I was at the first game of the series and the last, and the drawing went un-signed.

Anyways, who the FUCK is B.J Upton??? In Toronto earlier this year, Chipper Jones signed for a half hour. He was engaging and talked to the fans as he signed. BJ Upton will never be a tenth of the player that Chipper is...but apparently in his head, Upton is Hank fucking Aaron.

And Carlos Pena?????? There is not a more arrogant player in the league, and I'm including my boy Gary Sheffield in on this...At least Sheff has hall-of-fame numbers. YOU'RE CARLOS PENA -- THE ONLY REASON YOU ARE IN THE MAJORS IS BECAUSE YOU SIGNED WITH TAMPA. You feed on bad pitching and mistakes, and in the playoffs you're not going to see Brian Bruney or Freddy Dolsi, you're going to see great pitching and your .247 is going to be .147.

The Rays are a team of temperamental, young, arrogant assholes. I'd love to root for them, but (and this is hard to say) I am pulling for the Twins in the AL in these playoffs. The Rays fundamentally are a good story, but underneath the cute little young team that could lies a squad full of pricks. The Twins are an even better story, with players who are a lot more fun to watch and easier to root for.



Carlos Gomez is going to become a superstar if the Twins make the playoffs.

Fuck Friday

Friday used to be the shit. Growing up it was the night Full House was on TV, and it progressed into the nights when we'd have Southline basketball and then go watch the NBA doublheader on TNT at Bobby P's. As I learned what beer was, Fridays then turned into, "where are we going to get hammered tonight?" That was aided by my employment at Convenient, where it wasn't Friday unless you left work with a free 12-pack. I worked 3-7 on Fridays in high school, and seriously between my "employee discount" and sharing my employee discount with friends, over a thousand dollars worth of alcohol went unpaid for in a scheme that was so fool-proof it would impress Halburton...Only tricky part, sometimes Jeff Radt wanted me to throw a porn magazine in the bag with his "order." That kid is now a Bible-thumping Christian -- go figure.

I never even took money for it. I honestly felt like Robin Hood, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor...You should have seen the cash we dropped into the safe on a Friday night at Convenient, just in my four hours,,,what was a few free 12-packs, or a few free bottles of Boone's in Jeff Bolt's case?

Today is Friday, and after going to bed at around 12:30, digesting Oregon State's amazing performance over USC (aided by a kid who suffers with major depression), I cried myself to sleep. I don't want to be here. Two weeks is more than enough time to come to this conclusion. I think it's fair and not a snap judgment at this point...I've given it time. The grounds on which I came here under have quickly revealed to be total bullshit. A support system of three, I thought, who would be there whenever I need them, has shrunk to a support system of zero. I am here alone emotionally, and honestly, if you know me you understand this and if you don't you think I am fucked up (which you are probably right), the ONLY sane moments of my days are when I am watching this whole Mets/Brewers/Phillies orgy and football on the weekends.

I went to a support group Monday night and it was terrific; most support groups are. But that is one day a week, for two hours! It's not abandonment...who the fuck am I to expect other people's lives to be put on hold while I suffer through this, but can't anyone see how this leads to the justification of suicide in my own head???

I just want everyone to be able to live their lives without worry. The source of their worry and concern is -- me. SO, basic middle-school level problem solving...If there is a problem, and you are the source of the problem, what do you do? You remove or fix the problem right? I've tried with medication, talk therapy, diversion, meditation, exercise, and every single, solitary sollution that everyone tells me will make me feel better, or "fix the problem." Shit's not working. So, in the end, what's the last viable option to end/fix the problem? Ask Hemingway, ask Virginia Woolf, my Uncle Michael, or saddest of all (and most recent), ask David Foster Wallace.

Nothing is going to happen, yet. The pain never eases though, and I am absolutely seeing how and why writers, and creative people feel the need to go the route that so many take. The detachment from society I, we, feel is so profound that there's no fucking drug for it.

The beautiful and popular reverse-psychology that people use to the point of disgust nowadays is that suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do...How the hell is thst remotely true? People with depression, me, we feel so unbelievably and unspeakably burdened and guilty that the only way we know to release the burden that we are to others (and the burden I am slowly starting to see that I truly am), is to do what they all have done. David Foster Wallace suffered from depression for over 20 years...his work was brilliance. I can't, I CAN'T, do THIS for 20 more years.


David Foster Wallace


And by the way, Mitch Albom is not a writer, there are 397,000 writers that could pen that sappy bullshit in their sleep. He'll be around, making up and stealing stories forever, so all the soccer Moms out there don't have to worry. Depression is the stifling of creativity...Albom is to creativity what Gerorge Bush is to honesty.

The Raiders Are a Joke

I just came across this today thanks to deadspin.com. Amazing what Al Davis has become...Raider fans deserve more than this. They are as passionate as they are scary...and this is just incredible:

It was at the press conference announcing the hiring of Kiffin. Afterwards I was talking to Al, and remarked that I thought it was a strange hire, given that Kiffin was so young and had no head coaching experience. Al didn't like that, and said: 'I'll bet you don't even know who Deng Xiaoping was.' I was like, what? What does that have to do with anything? Al pressed it. 'Who is Deng Xiaoping?' So I thought for a minute, and said, 'Well, if I'm not mistaken, wasn't he the General Secretary of the Chinese government during the Tiananmen Square massacre?' And Al repiles, 'But what can you tell me about him other than that? See? You don't even know anything about your own culture.' I said, 'Al, I'm Japanese-American, not Chinese.' And Al said, 'Ohh, geez. I bet you're going to kill me on that now.' It all happened in front of about 20 reporters, so I didn't have to.

Back to Zero

The most amazing thing about today's return to waking up and crying for two hours? The last two days have been good days if I had to classify them (Trent Edwards!!!!). I am sure with the days being weekend days, it helped a lot, but at the same time, I'm not working (in more ways than one!), so what the hell is the difference between weekends and weekdays,,,it all blends into one. The only obvious difference being the lack of NFL and College Football.

Is that really enough to make me good? Someone needs to get in touch with the NFL to change to more of an NBA schedule so those who are too severely depressed to even work a shit job don't feel so worthless.

That's what it is. The constant thought and image is that I see everyone I know, in my head, working right now....They don't work on the weekends, so in turn that is one thing that isn't feeding my sick head. It puts me at ease a little bit.

Depression comes with worthlessness like all cars come with steering wheels, On top of that, I am an over-thinker, so as my mind spins out of control, I think about everything, and it sinks me deeper. It worsens my worthlessness, and in turn, obliterates any sense of hope or self-esteem I have held.

Deeply, like profoundly, the over-thinking is positive sometimes, but that mother fucking "yeah but" creeps in and smashes the progress I think I am making in changing my thought patterns. Like today, I was crying, and that routine is curling up, bawling, and listening to my iPod. By now I forget what song it was, but it made me smile because I stopped and compartmentalized my thinking into one of the best moments of my life, and it was great. For s few seconds.

Amos Lee is my choice when I am iPodding and crying. His song "Better Days" drew tears out of me at the concert, and it still does. It came on this morning and while I cried, I had amazing, vivid memories of the past. And as much as I hurt right now, as much as I want to punch someone in the face when they say "just snap out of it.....stop thinking so much," I started to meditate on positive memories, and that's the answer.....Like he says in the lyric, "when the lights go out, all that I can think about is how we've seen better days."

The song goes on to his inner-battle, and if it's not a song about depression then I love Ohio State. Listen to it on that link, the last verse when he sings "well, I'm trying not to be suspicious of those I'm suspicious of; I'm trying to crack open this angry heart and find a little love; instead of worry, worry, worry."

That's where I am at right now. I resent myself for feeding into a lot of the negativity and judgment of those who surround me in Buffalo...The truth of it is that a lot of it is perceived and blown out of proportion in my ill brain.

Even with the only person in my life right now who really matters, I think of what a bastard I have been to her through the depression, because it truly makes you someone you are not, and I feel sick to my stomach. I can't eat because of it....It's all that's in my head. "I'm trying to crack open this angry heart and find a little love." That could not be more true, I could not have jammed those words together any more suitably to state my mindset.

How the fuck do you do that? "Just do it" some people will say, even more, some will say "what a fag" because my emotions are ruining me right now, and *gasp* I'm talking about it! If I've grown away from you in the past 5 months, then you're probably one of those people...figure it out, and stop battling each other. We're 29 fucking years old. We all have our problems, some more severe than others (see: my stay at Brylin), but the judgment, and to replace a word that just isn't coming to me right now, stop the dickery. P. Diddy says, stop the Bitch-ass-edness.....Never will I borrow from him again, ever (because killing 2pac is bitchassed)...but seriously...What good is faking a date on MySpace with someone else's ex-girlfriend doing? Just leave shit alone...if the person and you are growing apart, let it happen, don't exacerbate it with bitchassedness.

I've grown close to people emotionally (Team Kev!, Iz, Grizz and D) in the past 5 months that I was never THAT close to because in a time of extreme need, they are an ear, but also because they listen and communicate back without judgment or pre-tense...with an open heart and open-mind. They may not get what I am going through but they know, just by making an attempt and looking in my eyes as I pour my soul, that it's not something I can just "snap out" of...I can't "just do it."

It's like if someone was a total maniacal control freak in relationships. He or she can't just "snap out of it." It takes work, OR, it stays the same and you stay lonely forever. There is no magic wand that solves emotional and personality issues.

I've been told I don't like anybody, I hate everything. Granted this is by people who are more fucking cynical and negative than anyone I know in this world...But you know, a.) it's not true, b;) you travel to New York with someone you used to make fun of us for hanging out with, and c.) you unabashedly hate the NBA.....but that's OK right? You can gloss other people as hating everything, while you just judge the fuck out of everything and everyone.

It's SUCH AMAZING BULLSHIT too. See me in action back when I was healthy. Working with kids from the inner-city, and bonding with them and their parents to where they and I were in tears at times when I was having a depresed day...That sounds like a hateful person right? I jokingly hate Ohio State, I don't even, it's just sports hyperbole....I went to Columbus and LOVED their campus, kind of envied their athletic facilities. It was really nice in C-Bus. I do not state my opinion as fact, such as "the NBA is garbage." It's not, but, a logical debate cannot be had about it,,,and I'm fucking sick of it,

Carmelo Anthony is labelled a thug with the N-word thrown around about him because he threw ONE PUNCH. The NHL guys who get in fights are diefied in hockey communities....Rob Ray is a God in Buffalo for fighting...Carmelo threw ONE PUNCH, and proceeded to put his heart and soul into playing for your country, winning gold in the face of people who want to kill us for being American. Yet again though, the Olympic basketball tournament was garbage too right? Nobody cared, except for the over 500 million people who watched it.

Friends don't joke about their friends who have suicidal depression, and the soothe it over with an insincere apology. Friends don't tell their friends they're hateful when it's patently un-true. I've been called a nigger lover by people as ignorant as you, and I am fucking sick of it. It's what drove me out of there...and it's my fault, I have to rise above it and not let it bother me as deeply as it does. It's not your fault, It's who you are, but the natural pushing-away from you that I feel is there for a reason. Some people are stuck, and it's OK. They tear down other people to cover up their shortcomings or low self-esteem...It's Psychology 101.

Langston Hughes

Today like yesterday,
Tomorrow like today;

The drip, drip, drip of monotony,
is wearing my life away.

Today like yesterday,
Tomorrow like today.

I feel below worthless.

Big Day for U.S Soccer (We Hope)

At 2:30 Manchester United will take on Villareal in the first day of Champions League Group play. Villareal has American Jozy Altidore, the truth, one piece in the promising future of American soccer. He's a talented goal-scorer with size, and while he doesn't start, he has looked great coming in as a reserve. It'll be interesting for Altidore if he sees the field. DeMarcus Beasley has seen Champion's League soccer and has grown from the experience tremendously.

This is a big day -- Jozy Altidore could see time on the field in Champions League soccer against the biggest superstars on the planet. It remains to be seen if he gets time, but if he does it will be a very big step for American soccer. Adu, Altidore and Beasley all having seen Champions League group play -- all Americans. That would never have been heard of a decade ago.

Kalamazoo

I am fucking broken.

This may be the worst decision I have made in my entire life.

I don't need aother temporary fix. I need to stay where I have a support system in place, which includes counseling, and get to healing. I was making so much progress, and I have set that shit on fire. I am as depressed as I have ever been, as suicidal as I have ever been, and I want to come home. Do you realize what a failure that makes me feel like?

What the hell was I thinking? I am now lonely here, I have no counseling here, my support system is two people and not enough, as hard as they try to be and want to help, I need to know at 3:15 Kristin is going to be home. I was getting better in Buffalo. That's worth everything.

I am homeless. I can't move back because I have no place to go and no income. I am ready to find a BryLin in K'Zoo and set up shop.

Raiders vs. Broncos MNF

Monday Kristin and I visited San Quentin Federal Prison. They re-named it McAffee Coliseum, and 8 days a year they let the Raiders play football there. It's well-publicized that Raiders fans are absolute maniacs, and they take pride in that fact. I went in expecting that, but holy crap...The McAffee Coliseum on a Raiders game day is the scariest place on the planet that is not a prison.

It's going to be mostly pictures...Words cannot describe how unbelievable it was. Especially considering I dressed neutrally but rooted, quietly, for the Broncos. The pics are super out of order because blogger and I don't get along with photo alignment.

so much anticipation...The Oakland Raiders are now on the clock...

I envisioned this being the picture they showed on the News once our bodies were found in the parking lot.

the view from the 50, pre-game. All the criminals were still in the parking lot.

Child Protective Services should have a stand in the parking lot

The Tailgate

What kind of dirtbag gets a tattoo of his favorite team's logo?

CPS, Where ARRRRREEEE YOU?

if Excellence is 41-14, they are committed

this needs to be purchased for RoPo immediately

the tailgate

this old fella with the cane had much bigger balls than I did

San Mateo Bridge -- 10 miles across the southern S.F Bay


The Tailgate

the view once it got dark

this dude is probably not a lawyer

RoPo's Dad

Home of the G State Warriors. Monta Ellis and a pile of crap