Seroquel Free

Man, I am just re-reading that last post. They have me on Seroquel, it has me insane about 20 minutes after taking it. If you only knew the dreams I had on this stuff. It makes sleeping really, really awesome, but I get LOOPY at night boy. Lou Reed?

Maybe Heroin sounds like Seroquel?

Anyhow, Maryland was a great refresher. There were bad mornings there, and there were good ones, but a lot of what I read and am starting to practice is helping a great deal. Meditation for one, it's good, and I am getting OK at it. I suggest it to any non-believers.

I also recommend spending time with great, positive people when you are depressed. My Aunt JoAnn is a positive, strong person. As is my Uncle Mark. The kids though, they are so amazingly funny and just good kids. I have pictures, mind you most of them were taken by my gorgeous little cousin Jenna.


Had to grab a REAL Maryland Crab Cake Sandwich before leaving town.


This was taken by my Jenna

This is the lovely Jenna in a rare pic where she's NOT wearing her Peyton Manning jersey


...and Ralph was ready to come home.

Lou Reed

I just want to listen to "Heroin" by Lou Reed all night. Y'all know me as the farthest thing from a drug user ever, but seriously, when I finish listening to that song I feel punched in the face. I will always remember one of TINNY and mine's famous Toronto roadies. On Sunday mornings 107.1 out of Toronto does "Psychedelic Sundays" and 102.1 out of T.O does "The on-going history of new music." Both shows pretty ridiculously rule, and go deep into old albums, yada yada yada.

The one morning on the way to Toronto, one of those two amazing stations played "Heroin" by Lou Reed and I was so god-damn confused by the song that I wanted to pull over and start shooting the shit. Imagine that, a Lou Reed song being direction-less and opaque right? Well hand me the God-damned needle, it's 10 AM on the QEW, let's do this shit...right?

The mere trial of me trying to understand the flow of the song, somehow smoke-out a meaning through the lyrics, and justify to my road trip queen why the station was still on made me feel like I just smoked whatever Steve-o claims to be puffing these days. (Fuck off Dr. Degnan, I know that's a run-on sentence).

My wanting to listen to the song right now made me re-visit the lyrics that still are is incoherent as I recall (lyrics). In an insane fucking way though, I relate whole-heartedly. There are these moments of complete beauty and clarity and romanticism in the words, and then it's pretty much babble and loss of self for a verse. That's where I am at, short of the spike in my vein.

Stephen Jenkins of Third Eye Blind, many of you don't know, is a big inspiration to me because lyrically he strikes my soul and in an interview I read when I was 18, he said On The Road by Jack Kerouac should be required reading of all high school graduates. Well...On The Road changed my life, so this dude was right on. Much less the fact that he is, or WAS, lyrically amazing, that suggestion changed my life once I picked up the book.

So I am looking for inspiration, and while I am, I feel as lost and as fucking in a fog as that song is. It's a creepy listen too. Youtube it, it's ridiculous.

I AM in Maryland...more specifically Woodstock, and I am still depressed...very, very much so. I have the camera, but I don't want to pollute my Aunt's computer with all my pics just to put them on here, so I'll do like a Maryland wrap-up when I get home with some great pics of the greatest kids in the world and Ralph (seriously, you don't know better kids, so don't even try to compare them).

I will get past this, but I hope other people realize they have to change for me to get better too.

Barack

I just had to post this in acknowledgment that the pendulum is swinging back. I hope...Just wait until his speech at the DNC. I get chills just thinking about it.

Mill-A-Wah-Kay

My solo trek to Milwaukee went down Monday and Tuesday and it was awesome. Milwaukee is nothing like what any of you guys are picturing.. The Downtown area is amazing, the riverwalk is really smooth and kind of trendy, and GASP, the riverwalk accentuates the positive things going on in their city! Get this idea Buffalo, a cool, entertainment and shopping based area with tons of nice restaurants, anchor stores, breweries and historical and architectural landmarks all based around the strong point of the city...it's waterfront. What a crazy idea! Couldn't happen in a city like Buffalo though right, our winters are too cold. THIS IS A PLACE THAT BRAGS ABOUT BEING CALLED THE FROZEN TUNDRA!!! I think it could work in the B'lo.

Kristin texted me that Ralph needed his seatbelt on, so there's the proof. I went to lunch at this really nice Irish bar and had the most ridiculous Ruben sandwich ever. It was so good that I contemplated going back today before leaving town (but I devastated the hotel's breakfast instead). The bartender was also a 9 at the Irish bar, Elisha Cuthbertish, so that NEVER hurts. I had 2 Miller Lites, and I gotta report no ill effects with the beer and the meds, but it's not like I had a RoPo bender on the meds. Plus dude, I was in Milwaukee, I don't know that they let you leave town without at least having one Miller product. The 'tender said I just missed Mark Grace at the bar (he does TV work for the D'Backs). We could have gone slump-busting together.

Checked in at the hotel at around 3, showered, chilled for a little then went down to the park stupid early. You guys all need to get to Miller Park on a gameday. You don't even have to go to the game, the tailgating is incredible. It's as good as any NFL situation, maybe even better because baseball fans tend to be a little more respectful and intelligent then NFL fan. Plus, the weather permits better clothing selections for the female fans. There's seriously nothing better than a girl with the player jersey t-shirt on at a baseball game...as long as she doesn't LOOK like Prince Fielder.

As I said, I arrived stupid early, SO, I walked pretty much every inch of the stadium. This is my stadium money shot.

The woman in the ticket booth hooked me up. She got me a seat on the fence right next to the bullpen. It was very different to watch the game from there, but also to be able to see the clowning around guys do in the 'pen, plus, HOLY SHIT do they drink a ton of coffee out there.

Prince Fielder ended up hitting the go-ahead HR in the bottom of the 8th. I texted Kristin in between the top and bottom of the 8th and called it. Prince was amazing the whole game. The D'Backs loaded the bases in the 9th but failed to tie it and the Brew Crew ended up with a 4-3 win in what ended up being a good game. They also drew 30,000 fans on a Monday night. Milwaukee is an awesome baseball town, and the fans know their shit, just don't tell them you're a Cub fan.

As parks go, Miller Park is great, but it's lacking something. Maybe it's my dis-interest in the Brewers (though I do man-crush the Prince), but I think it's more that like you see in the other pic, the big mint green dome feels very sterile. I'll rank 'em real quick because I am bored:

#1-PNC Park, It's just the best

#2-Comerica Park. I'm biased.>

#3-PacBell in San Francisco

#4-Camden Yards

#5-Turner Field

#6-Miller Park

#7-Wrigley Field

#8-Coors Field

#9-Kaufmann Stadium -- SUPER Under-rated in KC

#10-Jacobs Field. Would be higher if I didn't hate Ohio so much

#11-Fenway

#12-Comiskey

#13-Yankee Stadium

#14-SkyDome

#15-The Coliseum in Oakland

#16-Tropicana Field

The Be-ach

The day started at Butch's crib in Holland...He had a lacrosse doubleheader, and frankly he whooped dudes up. He had 5 goals, and it was a ton of fun.

The highlight for me was that at the same park he had lacrosse, there was a rally for dog rescues from all over the state of Michigan. This meant dog heaven! The weather was perfect, so it was pretty amazing going stand to stand seeing what types of breeds needed rescue, and just chilling in the amazing weather on a Sunday afternoon. The bulldog's name was Diesel and I fell in love with him but I had to take the obligatory Yorkie picture for Tinny eventhough if it came down to either a Bulldog or a Yorkie as our dog, there's no way the Yorkie wins.

We went to Saugatuck for dinner. Saugatuck is a pretty dope little coastal cape on Lake Michigan where a lot of people with a lot of money spend their summers. It has a Dawson's Creek vibe to it, but on a day like today there aren't many other places you'd want to spend your day. It beats the hell out of where I was last Sunday.

As the end of the day approached, the sun started to set as we left Little Russ in Saugatuck. We had about an hour car ride down the shore to get home but I wanted to check out the sunset where I used to go a ton when I spent summers in Michigan. Another little Cape type town here, for people with a little less cash, is South Haven. South Haven may be poorer, but they have a kick-ass pier with a lighthouse at the end of it which makes it one of the best suset viewing locations I have ever been to in my life. It's the perfect Ralph photo-op location too naturally.

I feel like I am getting back to myself now. There's a little more peace and serenity in my daily behavior. I believe in meditation, and I have been practicing that a ton, "silence on the outside equals stillness on the inside." I am figuring out ways to put the past away, not worry about the future, and find myself again. It's a daily fight, and it's really only a fight with myself versus my subconscious. I won today's round.

"Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world." -- Miguel de Cervantes