Tinny = Bored

A lazy Sunday afternoon of me watching the Euro 2008 Final and doing my soccer writing. This lead to Kristin being bored to tears because of my soccer viewing...SOOOO...she decided it was time for more Ralph dress up:

...don't know why girls (Tinny and Jenna) do the flip-flops on Ralph thing. I just don't get it.

...Guido Ralph making deals.


After Spain beat Germany in a fairly listless Final we went to see Baby Mama at the cheapy theatres. It was horrific. Don't see it, don't rent it when it comes out on DVD. Watch Hot Fuzz or something else. How are they still making SNL-centric movies when SNL is irrelevant and un-watchable?

Drunken Monkey

Ralph is all keyed up for tonight's Tigers game and was loving watching the Cubs/Sox this afternoon...BUT...like any good Cubs fan watching his boys play afternoon baseball, he over-indulged a little bit on the Red Stripe.



So now he inebriated at 6:oo and ready for Tigers/Rockies.





Anyways! The kid wanted to go out last night since Little Russ was in town and we had just had some brews at Gnome's, so dig his going out outfit.



I don't know where he even learned this song. It's just in the blood I suppose:

The NBA Draft With a Buffalo Flavor

We may have been the only dudes in Buffalo having an NBA Draft party Thursday night. Derrick Rose, Michael Beasley, George Hill...It was a blast, just having a few pops, talking basketball and tearing up some pizza and wings.

Our 3 real consensus NBA revelations from Thursday night:

1. The Timberwolves are the most enigmatic franchise in all of sports.

2. Charles Barkley and TNT sorely need to get the rights to the NBA Draft back.


3. We have unconditional trust in whatever the Spurs do on draft night, no matter what our personal opinions are of their picks.


....Ralph loved the Jermaine O'Neal to the Raps trade. Rasho Nesterovic gone is like an addition in itself.

...Shaq came by for a little while. He was telling us about his vasectomy.

Friends With Babies

Gnome and Danielle...aka the best married couple on the planet...have a kid. Gnome is a Dad. Evan. He is the coolest, and littlest human being I have ever seen, but Ralph loves him.

I <3 Todd Jones

sorry there's no embedded player...here's a must-see link though:

http://detroit.tigers.mlb.com/media/video.jsp?mid=200806263007133

The Ill-adelph

47.9 miles to the gallon as I drive over the Walt Whitman Bridge into Philadelphia. It pounded into my head how much, when I was my ideal self, I loved Whitman. The original "beat" poet, and he didn't even know it (that rhyme should be punishable by law).

I went back to read Song of Myself and hit it hard. The fourth stanza, well yeah, it's me, and I'm about to bust out some copyright infringement on y'all:

Whitman from Song of Myself

Trippers and askers surround me,
People I meet, the effect on me of my early life or the ward and city I live in, or the nation
My dinner, dress, associates, looks, compliments, dues,
The real or fancied indifference of some man or woman I love,
The sickness of one of my folks or myself, or ill-doing or loss or lack of money, or depressions or exaltations,
Battles, the horrors of fratricidal war, the fever of doubtful news, the fitful events;
These come from me days and nights and go from me again,
But they are not the Me myself.

Apart from the pulling and hauling stands what I am,
Stands amused, complacent, compassionating, idle, unitary,
Looks down, is erect, or bends and arm or an impalpable certain rest,
Looking with side-curved head curious what will come next,
Both in and out of the game and watching and wondering at it.

Backward I see in my own days where I sweated through fog with linguists and contenders,
I have no mockings or arguments, I witness and wait.

This is me again -- So the part I bolded and italicized really struck me. There are those moments where I look at the world like an absolute passenger, or even an alien. Like, "this is the world I fucking live in?" But at the same time, like my day in Philadelphia, I feel so much like a cog in the world, like I am in it and entrenched in it, and life is washing over me in such a positive way that I know life can be always good and always be like THIS.

I wasn't tied to any plan on Philly other than the baseball game. I met Byrns after the game and we winged it. Went to the Irish festival, went for a "non-tourist" hoagy, and drove/roamed the streets of Philadelphia...with a stuffed gorilla that Jay fell in love with I think.

...Citizens Bank Park in Philly. Just OK. But why did I have to hear "Eli Manning Sucks" 25 times during a baseball game?

...That's the Link where the Iggles play. Not impressive from the outside. I think M&T Stadium in B'More and the new Mile High are the only NEW football stadiums that look cool from the outside. These new parks are all bland as hell from the outside.

I ended up sleeping at Jay's, un-planned, and like a scene from Dharma Bums, he rolled out a small, like patio furniture pad for me to sleep on, and it was more than I needed.

....real steak, not some stupid Steak 'Ums

Jersey

I bugged out of Pittsburgh Saturday morning a lot later than planned no thanks to my ol' medication that zombifies me in the mornings. Eventually I found the hotel in Jersey at about 4:00, just in time to see the ridiculous ending to The Netherlands vs. Russia game. I had a 32" flat screen in my room to watch it on...pretty silly, but when you are a priceline.com baller like me, you expect that kind of treatment.

Surreal moment of the trip, a moment of Being one would say -- Billy Joel's "New York State of Mind" came on the radio as I was pulling onto the section of the highway where you can see the New York skyline as you drive in the NJ Turnpike towards Giants Stadium. The sun was just coming down, so it created this late day haze, the temperature was cooling off, the windows were open in the car, and everything, at that very second felt 100% perfect. Life is made of those moments, I just haven't been good at seeking those moments out lately. They don't happen when you're in bed or your motivation murders you and keeps you from exploring this amazing country. I wish everyone in the world felt like I did for those 5 minutes.

From beauty to garbage. Giants Stadium is a humungous pile of concrete shit. It's a hell-hole. It's dark and dingy, old and crusty. I was pumped too, I was in a great mood thanks to Billy Joel and the fact that I was at my first MLS game, but this stadium -- seriously -- is a disaster.

...Ralph was hating Giants Stadium too. The only positive, not a trace of the Jets anywhere in the building.


Structure issues aside, in the parking lot kids were kicking around the soccer ball with their friends or with their Dad. This was life-assuring to me! There ARE Americans like me out there who appreciate the beautiful game. They celebrate it, and kicking a soccer ball on concrete isn't the easiest thing in the world, but kids were doing it ALL OVER THE PLACE! I just chilled for a little while with the windows open, smelling the charcoal, watching kids kick it around and loving the energy in the pre-game tailgate.


The game was fairly dull. The only goal came early, a nobody defender knocked in a header from a corner in the sixteenth minute and that was it. Red Bulls won 1-0 over FC Dallas.

After the game I still had energy from my sleeping in that morning so I rode the Lincoln Tunnel into the city. Saturday night, 10 PM, Manhattan......Ummm, not a great plan. I don't know that there was a place anywhere in the world at that moment where parking would be at more of a premium than the Times Square/Broadway area of New York City. And there I was, looking to park and walk. Didn't happen. So, I just drove around, listened to some Jay-Z with the windows open, pissed off some cabbies, and headed back to the hotel disappointed in my lack of finding parking in the city. I took my sleeping pills and forgot all about it within 10 minutes of pill time.

That was New York. On to Philly tomorrow....And check out what I was driving all weekend:



...Ralph is SUPER eco-friendly, rocking the Prius and loving every minute of it.

My Current Favorite Song

If you dislike this song, something is wrong with you.

Cinci-Nasty and the Burgh

I had no internet on the road. Courtyard by Marriott be damned!! They had it all set-up, but my computer and theirs did not like each other...So I am home and have a lot of pics and stories.

PART 1: Cincinnati:

Got on the road Wednesday evening and stayed overnight in (GASP) Columbus, Ohio. Enemy territory. It went OK, except for a kid, maybe 13 years old, walked by me on my way to breakfast, got 5 paces past me and launched an "O-H" in my direction. I guess Ohio State fans' "thing" is to spell out the name of the state they live in. Um, is it me or, is Ohio the easiest state name in the union to spell? It's a 4-letter word that uses 3 letters of the alphabet.

At Michigan they do the wave seven different ways, backwards, two at a time, slow motion, fast motion, reverse waves, etc... At tOSU they spell OHIO. Awesome, you are all terrific.

Left after breakfast, got to Cincy, got a little lost looking for parking, but worked it out in time for lineups and the anthem. Great American Ballpark is AMAZING. It's top 5, only held back by the fact that it's in Ohio, and all the red made me want to be ill. The sight-lines are tremendous, the location, on the river, is perfect, and the walkways are tremendously spacious. Not a fan of their signature food...the coney dog (google it), but everything about GABP is awesome, except for the team that plays in it (besides Brandon Phillips).



The woman in front of me was priceless. She stood up at inappropriate times, kept looking down on the lower deck for who knows what, and had a reverse camel toe. She was to Jennifer Love Hewitt what Dusty Baker is to Joe Torre (the managing match-up that day, see how I did that? Clever right?)




Click that baby to enlarge if you want even more hot-ness.

Part 2: THE Ohio State University:

This will go down on MY permanent record, it's set, I won't edit this. Ohio State's campus, especially around their athletic facilities is AMAZING. It's so clean, well laid-out, modern...just, really impressive and you know how much that is killing me to say. But that didn't prevent me from this:





...Still, OSU was really impressive. I met some fans who busted my balls, but in the end were really cool. The one Dad even gave Michigan credit because they actually let you run around on the field in the off-season. You can't touch the sacred FieldTurf at the Horseshoe apparently. I told the kids if we ran on the field they couldn't catch all of us, but the parents weren't letting that happen.


Part 3: Pittsburgh:

On the way to the 'Burgh Ralph and I got some dinner at Sonic. For some reason we get a million Sonic commercials in Buffalo but we don't have a Sonic, so Ralph wanted a piece of some Sonic tots. He then wanted to go buy some videos after filling up at Sonic.


...this was taken in front of maybe 100 people eating dinner and laughing at me.



It's almost un-reportable when I got to the 'Burgh now. I am there all the damn time. I have seen the Pirates at PNC more than I have seen the Bisons this season. The game was horse-shit. A 1--0 Pirates win in the 12th inning with the only run coming on an error by Jays shortstop John McDonald. AWFUL, but my seat was fantastic, and the fireworks are the best fireworks I have ever seen. It's got a lot to do with the river and the cityscape along with the fireworks, but the 'Burgh is always good, this trip was no different.




The Fireworks, the only thing that made me stay through the entire game:

My Condition

I have a tad bit of a skin condition. I went to get a physical yesterday and it turns out the condition is called, no shit, tinnius...Pronounced -- "TINNY-IS".

I have figured out all my problems now. They stand at about 5'4", can't dance, and looks awesome in Detroit Tigers clothes.

Struggling

Your boy is hurting. Struggling man. I can't explain it as honestly and easily as I want to be able to, and that drives me insane as an English major and a writer.

I feel distant from friends and my mom, Kristin, and my brother and my niece and nephew, and that distance isn't involuntary. Subconsciously, it's voluntary. I need to ABSOLUTELY clear my fucking head from ALL OF YOU, and it's nothing any of you have done or said...It's the depression, it's the anxiety, and it's the crossroads of life that I find myself at...all at the same time.

Nobody matters right now besides ME. That sounds cold, and felt cold just to type it out, but it's the truth. I need to be clear of any and all influences before I make this decision. Nobody seems to understand me, and what I am going through, and that's fine. I need to come to the realization that that's OK and acceptable. Until now I have been frustrated by people's lack of understanding of my depression and what I am going through.

I'm a loving kid, and I love you all very, very much. More than I let you all know probably. I'm getting out of here for a little while, I don't know if it's going to be a day or a week (probably just a day or two or three) but I need to clear my head before I make a decision.

Milwaukee helped a lot for me, and I want to do that on a grander scale...Alone. It needs to be without anyone clouding my thoughts or judgment. I doubt I'll stay in Buffalo, but I am going into this lil' trek as a blank slate, and hoping for the best.

I lied -- Ralph is coming with me.

Changing Focus

My depression, aided by the meds and a lot of work I've been doing, seems to be disappearing. It's been replaced by this life uncertainty that I have. The conclusion has been made, but it is gut-wrenching. It feels like someone has stabbed me in the mid-section.

It's time to flee Buffalo. I don't know where, but Kalamazoo provides a great opportunity because it is so close to Detroit, Ann Arbor, and Chicago's job markets...Not to mention Grand Rapids, which is one of the fastest growing cities in the Midwest. It beats the hell out of the job market here, but Chicago is the ultimate goal.

The hard part is obvious. Saying good-bye to family and friends, but it's me going to family too, so that eases the angst. I don't have a time table, but it's sooner than later. I'd say within the next two weeks my residence will be Kalamazoo, Michigan. I'm trading the Bills for the Lions, the Sabres for the Red Wings, and getting the Pistons, Michigan football and the TIGERS as a bonus. Not to mention Wrigley Field will be as close to me as SkyDome is now.

It's happening. This isn't a pipe dream. It's on, it's just going to be a few weeks logistically.

A Dream Reefered

So, OK, this is the craziest dream...but there are more, including one where Mandy's on Clinton Street was a strip joint. That's nothing compared to this though...

I am getting dressed in a suit for some reason, but in my bed is Colin Cowherd from ESPN Radio. He's a material-thief who hates Michigan.

So I am berating him the entire time I am getting dressed, and he is defending himself with the flawed logic that only his idiocy can provide. I've had enough, so I punch him in the face as the phone is ringing.

I get the phone after punching the douche in the face and it's my Senate page calling me to tell me the vote is today, and not to miss it...That's right, your Senate Rep from New York is no other than Kevin King, who just assaulted an arrogant, mis-informed material-thief.

I walk out the door with that talent-less waste of a microphone (can ya tell I HATE Cowherd?) chasing me out the door, whining in the way that anyone who has ever heard his show knows he can whine. I closed the door in mid-whine however.

Waiting for me in the hallway were Hillary Clinton and Kansas Senator Sam Brownback. There aren't two more diametrically opposed Senators then Clinton and Brownbeck, but hey, it's a f'd up dream, what do you want from me?

We walk outside and my normal parking lot is a swamp. I grab a stick and we all start wading through the swamp together, seemingly towards the senate vote. I assume my condo building is in the D.C area?

Alligators abound in this swamp apparently, so I tell Sammy B and Hill to piss off and I start to fly, but not in a plane. I physically flew, as a bird, to the Mall in D.C to get to my vote or my offices, or who the hell knows where, on time.

Who do I run into on the mall? Barack Obama! So Barack puts his arm around me and we walk to the vote together. Before we get into the hall where the vote is, there is a reception, and all the players are there. Teddy Kennedey, Chuck Schumer, and I remember Joe Lieberman.

Barack orders a Grey Goose and cranberry and goes into the other room to grab food.

That's the dream, there was no follow up, but what the hell???

I would describe the strip club dream, but it gets a little disgusting.

That's my boy:

Seroquel Free

Man, I am just re-reading that last post. They have me on Seroquel, it has me insane about 20 minutes after taking it. If you only knew the dreams I had on this stuff. It makes sleeping really, really awesome, but I get LOOPY at night boy. Lou Reed?

Maybe Heroin sounds like Seroquel?

Anyhow, Maryland was a great refresher. There were bad mornings there, and there were good ones, but a lot of what I read and am starting to practice is helping a great deal. Meditation for one, it's good, and I am getting OK at it. I suggest it to any non-believers.

I also recommend spending time with great, positive people when you are depressed. My Aunt JoAnn is a positive, strong person. As is my Uncle Mark. The kids though, they are so amazingly funny and just good kids. I have pictures, mind you most of them were taken by my gorgeous little cousin Jenna.


Had to grab a REAL Maryland Crab Cake Sandwich before leaving town.


This was taken by my Jenna

This is the lovely Jenna in a rare pic where she's NOT wearing her Peyton Manning jersey


...and Ralph was ready to come home.

Lou Reed

I just want to listen to "Heroin" by Lou Reed all night. Y'all know me as the farthest thing from a drug user ever, but seriously, when I finish listening to that song I feel punched in the face. I will always remember one of TINNY and mine's famous Toronto roadies. On Sunday mornings 107.1 out of Toronto does "Psychedelic Sundays" and 102.1 out of T.O does "The on-going history of new music." Both shows pretty ridiculously rule, and go deep into old albums, yada yada yada.

The one morning on the way to Toronto, one of those two amazing stations played "Heroin" by Lou Reed and I was so god-damn confused by the song that I wanted to pull over and start shooting the shit. Imagine that, a Lou Reed song being direction-less and opaque right? Well hand me the God-damned needle, it's 10 AM on the QEW, let's do this shit...right?

The mere trial of me trying to understand the flow of the song, somehow smoke-out a meaning through the lyrics, and justify to my road trip queen why the station was still on made me feel like I just smoked whatever Steve-o claims to be puffing these days. (Fuck off Dr. Degnan, I know that's a run-on sentence).

My wanting to listen to the song right now made me re-visit the lyrics that still are is incoherent as I recall (lyrics). In an insane fucking way though, I relate whole-heartedly. There are these moments of complete beauty and clarity and romanticism in the words, and then it's pretty much babble and loss of self for a verse. That's where I am at, short of the spike in my vein.

Stephen Jenkins of Third Eye Blind, many of you don't know, is a big inspiration to me because lyrically he strikes my soul and in an interview I read when I was 18, he said On The Road by Jack Kerouac should be required reading of all high school graduates. Well...On The Road changed my life, so this dude was right on. Much less the fact that he is, or WAS, lyrically amazing, that suggestion changed my life once I picked up the book.

So I am looking for inspiration, and while I am, I feel as lost and as fucking in a fog as that song is. It's a creepy listen too. Youtube it, it's ridiculous.

I AM in Maryland...more specifically Woodstock, and I am still depressed...very, very much so. I have the camera, but I don't want to pollute my Aunt's computer with all my pics just to put them on here, so I'll do like a Maryland wrap-up when I get home with some great pics of the greatest kids in the world and Ralph (seriously, you don't know better kids, so don't even try to compare them).

I will get past this, but I hope other people realize they have to change for me to get better too.

Barack

I just had to post this in acknowledgment that the pendulum is swinging back. I hope...Just wait until his speech at the DNC. I get chills just thinking about it.

Mill-A-Wah-Kay

My solo trek to Milwaukee went down Monday and Tuesday and it was awesome. Milwaukee is nothing like what any of you guys are picturing.. The Downtown area is amazing, the riverwalk is really smooth and kind of trendy, and GASP, the riverwalk accentuates the positive things going on in their city! Get this idea Buffalo, a cool, entertainment and shopping based area with tons of nice restaurants, anchor stores, breweries and historical and architectural landmarks all based around the strong point of the city...it's waterfront. What a crazy idea! Couldn't happen in a city like Buffalo though right, our winters are too cold. THIS IS A PLACE THAT BRAGS ABOUT BEING CALLED THE FROZEN TUNDRA!!! I think it could work in the B'lo.

Kristin texted me that Ralph needed his seatbelt on, so there's the proof. I went to lunch at this really nice Irish bar and had the most ridiculous Ruben sandwich ever. It was so good that I contemplated going back today before leaving town (but I devastated the hotel's breakfast instead). The bartender was also a 9 at the Irish bar, Elisha Cuthbertish, so that NEVER hurts. I had 2 Miller Lites, and I gotta report no ill effects with the beer and the meds, but it's not like I had a RoPo bender on the meds. Plus dude, I was in Milwaukee, I don't know that they let you leave town without at least having one Miller product. The 'tender said I just missed Mark Grace at the bar (he does TV work for the D'Backs). We could have gone slump-busting together.

Checked in at the hotel at around 3, showered, chilled for a little then went down to the park stupid early. You guys all need to get to Miller Park on a gameday. You don't even have to go to the game, the tailgating is incredible. It's as good as any NFL situation, maybe even better because baseball fans tend to be a little more respectful and intelligent then NFL fan. Plus, the weather permits better clothing selections for the female fans. There's seriously nothing better than a girl with the player jersey t-shirt on at a baseball game...as long as she doesn't LOOK like Prince Fielder.

As I said, I arrived stupid early, SO, I walked pretty much every inch of the stadium. This is my stadium money shot.

The woman in the ticket booth hooked me up. She got me a seat on the fence right next to the bullpen. It was very different to watch the game from there, but also to be able to see the clowning around guys do in the 'pen, plus, HOLY SHIT do they drink a ton of coffee out there.

Prince Fielder ended up hitting the go-ahead HR in the bottom of the 8th. I texted Kristin in between the top and bottom of the 8th and called it. Prince was amazing the whole game. The D'Backs loaded the bases in the 9th but failed to tie it and the Brew Crew ended up with a 4-3 win in what ended up being a good game. They also drew 30,000 fans on a Monday night. Milwaukee is an awesome baseball town, and the fans know their shit, just don't tell them you're a Cub fan.

As parks go, Miller Park is great, but it's lacking something. Maybe it's my dis-interest in the Brewers (though I do man-crush the Prince), but I think it's more that like you see in the other pic, the big mint green dome feels very sterile. I'll rank 'em real quick because I am bored:

#1-PNC Park, It's just the best

#2-Comerica Park. I'm biased.>

#3-PacBell in San Francisco

#4-Camden Yards

#5-Turner Field

#6-Miller Park

#7-Wrigley Field

#8-Coors Field

#9-Kaufmann Stadium -- SUPER Under-rated in KC

#10-Jacobs Field. Would be higher if I didn't hate Ohio so much

#11-Fenway

#12-Comiskey

#13-Yankee Stadium

#14-SkyDome

#15-The Coliseum in Oakland

#16-Tropicana Field

The Be-ach

The day started at Butch's crib in Holland...He had a lacrosse doubleheader, and frankly he whooped dudes up. He had 5 goals, and it was a ton of fun.

The highlight for me was that at the same park he had lacrosse, there was a rally for dog rescues from all over the state of Michigan. This meant dog heaven! The weather was perfect, so it was pretty amazing going stand to stand seeing what types of breeds needed rescue, and just chilling in the amazing weather on a Sunday afternoon. The bulldog's name was Diesel and I fell in love with him but I had to take the obligatory Yorkie picture for Tinny eventhough if it came down to either a Bulldog or a Yorkie as our dog, there's no way the Yorkie wins.

We went to Saugatuck for dinner. Saugatuck is a pretty dope little coastal cape on Lake Michigan where a lot of people with a lot of money spend their summers. It has a Dawson's Creek vibe to it, but on a day like today there aren't many other places you'd want to spend your day. It beats the hell out of where I was last Sunday.

As the end of the day approached, the sun started to set as we left Little Russ in Saugatuck. We had about an hour car ride down the shore to get home but I wanted to check out the sunset where I used to go a ton when I spent summers in Michigan. Another little Cape type town here, for people with a little less cash, is South Haven. South Haven may be poorer, but they have a kick-ass pier with a lighthouse at the end of it which makes it one of the best suset viewing locations I have ever been to in my life. It's the perfect Ralph photo-op location too naturally.

I feel like I am getting back to myself now. There's a little more peace and serenity in my daily behavior. I believe in meditation, and I have been practicing that a ton, "silence on the outside equals stillness on the inside." I am figuring out ways to put the past away, not worry about the future, and find myself again. It's a daily fight, and it's really only a fight with myself versus my subconscious. I won today's round.

"Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world." -- Miguel de Cervantes