The Pause. Something that's so much easier in theory than it is in practice. It's an important part of human interaction, and key to avoiding the assaults that we tragically all launch at each other on a daily basis. There isn't anybody in America that doesn't do it, but it's because of everything that we've lost sight of here. Life in America is about acquiring things, and the bullshit ideal of "keeping up with the Joneses." Pressure is put on most people, and they find it hard to handle, so when it all becomes too much you lash out in anger, or resort to drugs or alcohol to cope (much as I have since being home).
I'm trying really hard to install this huge piece of the puzzle, the pause, into my life. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done, eventhough in theory it sounds incredibly simple.
With judgment a part of all of our hearts unfortunately, we're conditioned to snap judge everything. The 24-hour news cycle, and the God awful "talking head" shows on ESPN feed the monster. Michael Vick is a perfect example. Dog-fighting was truly part of his culture from childhood. He just thought that's what you did with pit bulls. Yeah, he knew at some level it was wrong, but, is there anything in your life you do that you know is wrong on some level but continue to do it? Vick was so aloof as to the cultural perception of dog-fighting that he did anything but hide it, which led to his easy conviction. There's an incredible back story that none of us know, just like the fact that there's an incredible life story to you and me and everyone else that we just don't know as outsiders.
We never saw Vick on a day-to-day basis. We don't know anything about Vick before he emerged as a freak of nature quarterback at Virginia Tech. Despite this, across any news platform, the guy, who none of the people who were speaking on him knew personally, was roundly vilified, received death threats, and disgusting things were said about him without a single damn person owning up to the fact that in the end, we don't know the whole story. We never walked in Mike Vick's shoes as a child and know what his norms are. But our first inclination is to judge from afar. All we know is surface, but so many more things should go into account for why Vick immersed himself into the dog-fighting culture.
When others in the black community come out and say that in a lot of urban areas, dog-fighting is a part of the culture, people scoff at the thought, and again, sit in their ivory towers and dispense judgment.
Life isn't black and white. There's a lot of gray area, yet, in these cases, where people know maybe 1% of the whole story, we're so quick to violently judge and tell someone he shouldn't have a career, or freedom.
Carry it into your daily (I hope they aren't daily) battles and fights, and nit-picky squabbles. Before you judge, before you respond with a sour comeback that only increases the fight, stop. Pause. Even if it takes pausing and leaving the room for a second. Pause, breathe, and think about the nature you were born into before society got their teeth into you. Our essential human nature is to be loving and kind. We've been corrupted by a streaming barrage of negativity and judgment since the second we came to this world. But if you pause, and let that loving kindness open up in that pause, you'll avoid so much conflict in your life. You'll let love conquer the sarcastic or nasty statement you were going to come back with.
Let it take time. In truth, that's my biggest problem. I think all of this should and will be fixed overnight. In the grand scheme of things for me -- it's only been a year. I've made a lot of fantastic progress in that year, but, I beat myself up a lot because I think I'm going to magically wake up and be completely who I want to be. It takes lifetimes to get there for some. It won't take that long for me, but it's an incredible work in progress. It's a project that might even take longer than the construction on Transit Road!
But what if the pause stops one fight this month, and you can keep working on it? A few months from now, maybe it stops two fights, and it stops you from judging someone from the outside.
What helps me most in the pause it to stop, take an incredibly deep breath, with a huge exhale. I think of the exhale as breathing out of all of that shit, all of that negativity and hostility that was about to come out. It may take more than once. Breathe it all out of you, and concentrate on ways to stifle the fight before it completely erupts. Believe me, it'll come back to you like you just awoke from a trance....a trance of unconscious thought and reaction. The Pause brings in consciousness, and our conscious minds and hearts are by nature good and loving.
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