Yeah, so, about that not creating more pain and problems for myself and how radical a decision that is? I am gutted.
I start, AGAIN, a job tomorrow. Just orientation...and whereas before I would at least go to day one and then quit, I have been back to that obsessive place of allowing myself to beat the shit out of myself, only this time it hasn't even begun.
It's like I am anticipating the failure in me, and already inventing excuses for why it won't and shouldn't work.
How do you do it? I am TOTALLY creating more pain and problems for myself, and by doing nothing but fucking thinking. As I sit, watching TV, I'm not present, my head is running wild about the job. Why do I keep failing at this one part of life when I feel like I am making progess everywhere else?
No comments:
Post a Comment